Lent

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the kick-off for the Lenten season. This year, I am giving up chocolate, which will not be easy, as I love chocolate. Adding to the struggle is the fact that there will be Oreos in the house all through Lent.

Ash Wednesday is also the start of my Spring Cleaning. Now that I'm blogging more regularly, I plan to post updates showing my progress. As always, I will start with the upstairs, and work my way down, saving windows for last due to the cold weather. I'll probably do the closets next to last, because they're a big project. I've promised the children that they get to help. They're young and inexperienced enough to be excited about it. I don't expect the excitement to last very long.

Lawyer Humor

These are supposedly things people have actually said in court.

ATTORNEY : When is your birthday? WITNESS : July 18th. ATTORNEY : What year? WITNESS : Every year. ____________________________________ ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS : I forget. ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you? WITNESS : Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active? WITNESS : No, I just lie there. _____________________________________________ ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you? WITNESS : My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS : We both do. ATTORNEY : Voodoo? WITNESS : We do. ATTORNEY : You do? WITNESS : Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam? ___________________________________ ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he? WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS : Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS : Uh.... _____________________________________ ATTORNEY : She had three children, right? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY : How many were boys? WITNESS : None. ATTORNEY : Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS : By death. ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual? WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS : Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm. ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS : Huh? ______________________________________ As for the last!!! ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS : No. ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Mice!

I caught mouse number four last night. That's four mice caught within a week. Victor mouse traps are still the best. The mice are going for cheddar this year.

Goodbye Writer's Block

The writer's block of Thursday is history. It was a tough one, because I was in a super-creative mood. I guess I wasn't really uninspired, but rather I wasn't inspired by any one thing in particular. Mostly, I wanted to work on my fanfic, but I was stuck on a scene. I've since gotten past that and finished the chapter. Big thanks to my sister for talking through the plot line with me.

Any writing would have done, but I couldn't think of any other topics. Still, I needed to create something. I eventually settled for starting another music video. It's the first I've made with actual video clips, and it's lots of fun. I'm half done with it, but I'm waiting on more clips. Fan videos are awesome.

Writer's Block

I hate writer's block. I really want to write, but I can't come up with anything. I think I'll have to force my way through it. I could always scrap it later if it sucks. I've rarely felt so uninspired. This is depressing.

Cold!

Last night's low was -17 F. Luckily, it has since warmed up to -11. I'm going downstairs to build a fire in the wood furnace.