Friday, December 14, 2007

Law School

Earlier this year, I had an epiphany of sorts. Up until then, I'd been resigned to the life I have, not really thinking about doing anything different, and feeling kinda old. Then one day I realized I'm only 24 years old. I'm still young. I still have my whole life ahead of me. People my age are still going to school.

That got me thinking about how much I liked college, and how long it would take me to finish my degrees. And then I started thinking about something that I've thought about off and on over the years only to dismiss it as something I didn't really want to do. I was thinking about going to law school.

I've always liked the law, and I love lawyer shows(yes, I know they're not real). The one thing that always kept me from seriously considering pursuit of a law degree was the courtroom. It would be a constant battle against performance anxiety.

However, this didn't seem such an obstacle this summer, when I was thinking about it again. I sent for an updated transcript and course evaluation from my school. I'll need two full semesters to graduate with my double major. They don't have a pre-law program, so I would have to find another school.

Enter problem #1: travel. The nearest school with a law program is more than an hour's drive from home. I haven't yet gotten my driver's license.

Problem #2: child care. We have four children. The three oldest are in school full-time, and the youngest just turned two. My mother-in-law would watch her for a reasonable price, but we can't afford that on one income. Also, I would miss the angel terribly.

And problem #3: We might decide to have another baby. We've been talking around it for awhile now. I get terrible morning sickness that would interfere with studying, and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a newborn with a babysitter(not even Grandma). That last part would depend upon timing, as I can take courses online to finish my degrees, which I want to do rather than transfer and face losing credits.

So I decided to wait it out, and see if this was a passing fancy. Here after several months, and one awkward conversation with my husband about it, for some odd reason, I find myself still wanting to be a lawyer.

I'm not sure what to do about it now, because it's a most inconvenient path to take at the moment. Perhaps I should stick with writing, and settle for writing about lawyers. I really don't know. I welcome advice from anyone who has some to give.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Thursdays

I figured out my least favorite day of the week, and today is it. Thursdays suck. The week's more than half over, but it's still not Friday. The kids had a short night due to religious education classes. I have no more patience than the sleepy, whimpering five-year-old who can't remember how to dress herself. There's nothing good on television tonight. Oh, and it's -7 degree this morning, which doesn't help at all. Thursday is the worst day of my week.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Late Night Television

The beauty of late night comedy is that by the time it's on, you're so tired, everything is funny. Conan O'Brien can keep me in stitches when I'm exhausted.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Misadventures in Cooking

Dear Reader, I made macaroni salad today. I forgot to make sure the macaroni was cool before mixing. The result was half-melted cubes of cheddar cheese. The salad still tastes delicious, but it's a bit stringy. I highly recommend following the directions when cooking, even if you've made something a thousand times.

Friday, November 09, 2007

New Appliance

My new carpet cleaner arrived today. This is what I got. Not a very good picture, I know. It was the best one I could find.

I know just where to try it out. The carpet in the downstairs hallway is in desperate need of cleaning. It's really too bad I got this just in time for the weekend. I probably can't use it until Tuesday, when the kids go back to school, or they'll be walking all over the wet carpet.

Snow

It's snowing! This isn't the first snow, but it's still kinda exciting.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Patience

Is it normal to have less patience as you get older? I've gotten to the point where I can't stand to sit in one place for too long at one thing. Case in point: I used to love jigsaw puzzles, but the last two times I attempted to put one together, I got bored with it, and had to put it away.

I can't seem to sit through an entire movie, either. They take up so much time, and I keep thinking about all the things that I need to be doing, and how late it's getting. I don't go to the theater more than once a year, so most of my movie viewing is at home.

I think I can still read for hours at a time, and maybe write too if I'm on a roll, but anything else gets boring fast. I don't know if this is good or bad. On the one hand, I get more exercise when I go from task to task. But I don't like the short attention span. I'll have to think about this more later because I have things to do.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Forgotten Blog

After my driving test failure, I haven't felt much like updating this blog. Nothing much has happened anyway. I'm still writing. I'm closing in on 168,000 words. I'm fairly certain I'll break 200,000 before the story is finished. I can't imagine what I'll write next. After putting two or so years into one story, I'll have to start another one, or I'm apt to feel lost. Or worse, give in to the temptation to write a sequel. I do have other stories started, so perhaps I'll feel inspired to take up one of those to finish. I'll just have to make sure I create characters I can have fun writing.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Farmer Girl

I got to help a bit with the harvest this week. I was babysitting the hopper to make sure it didn't overflow with corn while the wagon unloaded. I only helped for a few hours while the angel was napping, but it was fun.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

Apprehension

Tomorrow is my driving test. Last night, as I waited for sleep to come, I envisioned all sorts of horrible accidents I could get into. This is not helpful. I'm anxious enough as it is without thoughts of injury or death. I'm not so worried about myself, but that I might hurt someone else. I don't think I could forgive myself if I hurt someone with my car.

On a somewhat unrelated subject, I saw Bourne Ultimatum yesterday(lots of car crashes in that movie). It was beyond awesome, and everyone must see it.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Break Time

After 18 months, I'm taking a break from writing. I figure a month should be long enough. No updates, no deadlines. I can write what I want, when I want; or not at all. It's good to have the pressure off. Granted, I put all that pressure on myself, but I've put more effort into my story than I have into just about anything I've ever done. I think it's good for me.

I can't quite relax though, because my driving test is next week. I haven't driven in over a week. A neck injury prevented driving practice for a few days last week. I've been reading the Wisconsin Motorists' Handbook and Study Guide. A little more practice with parallel parking and negotiating parking lots, and I should be good to go.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Movie Review: The Others

I've been watching some creepy movies lately. With the older movies, it's more of a film study, and I don't get too into the story, but watch for things that made them creepy. The twists are usually predictable, or at least not terribly surprising. But the twist in The Others was great.

The film started out alright. The music wasn't really creepy, the main character seemed a bit odd, but her strangeness was explained away. I settled in for two hours of what I figured would be more mildly creepy stuff with increasingly creepy music.

As the movie progressed, things got weirder and weirder, and I wasn't quite sure what was going on. It was starting to seem like some sick practical joke, 1940s style. Then the twist hit. Wow. I did not see that coming. Rarely does a movie have such a surprise ending.

On a scale of 1 to 10:

Music: 8
Creepiness: 6
Acting: 10
Plot Twists: 10

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

School

It's finally here: the first day of school. I had the kids ready to go nearly half an hour before the bus came because I figured it would come early due to road construction. It came maybe five minutes early, though we waited about twenty. We had to wait for it at the end of the driveway because the view of the road from the kitchen window is blocked by corn and a tree branch.

All of that waiting would have been alright if I hadn't injured my neck yesterday. I woke up yesterday morning, adjusted my neck as I usually do, and got a cramp, or so I thought. Turns out I pinched a nerve or ligament or something. I've done this before. It takes a few days to get better. Meanwhile, my head is almost constantly tilted to the left, I can't make sudden movements, and I can't turn my head very far to the right.

The limited range of motion will keep me from practicing my driving for a few days. The last practice went rather well. I didn't get lost, but the Wal-Mart parking lot continues to torture me. Hopefully, my neck will get better soon, and I'll get more practice in before my road test in two weeks.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Driving #3

The last driving session went very well. I'm still getting the hang of some of those hills and get going a little fast on the downhill side, but aside from the incidental speeding, I didn't break any laws.

I was also able to get to my destination without first getting lost. This is very big for me. Unfortunately, I wasn't in my hometown. I still don't know my way around very well, and I don't know why I can't figure it out.

My road test is scheduled for mid-September. I get nervous just thinking about it, so I try not to. At least I have a few more weeks to practice.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Little Known Artist of the Month

The Little Known Artist of the Month for August:

The Elected

This band has an old sound that's great on rainy days or when you just feel like taking it easy. Check out their website and listen to "Fireflies in a Steel Mill." You'll swear you've tuned into an oldies station. You can even buy their albums in vinyl format!

This video is pretty neat, too:

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

More Driving

Today's driving went very well. I only missed one turn, and had to go around the block, but in my defense, I didn't have enough room to get into the left lane on the first pass.

I have no sense of direction. I just don't know my way around. For example: I know how to get to Kwik Trip coming into town from the North. I can even get there from the back way around the church. But I don't know how to get there from the Hospital.

Hopefully, I'll figure this all out with practice.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Driving

I'm learning to drive this year. My husband is my driving teacher, so that adds a new level of difficulty. His favorite teaching methods are overreacting, and explaining what would happen if the roads were icy and how our insurance rates would go sky high.

Every time I drive, I run into some new situation that I need to work on. First, it was slowing down for turns. After that, pedestrians on the road. Then came farm machinery. Now I'm having trouble with parking, and stop lights.

I did stop for the red light, barely. I was thinking about where I needed to turn, and didn't slow down soon enough. So, I need to work on my concentration, which is nothing new. I've always had a one-track mind, so multi-tasking is difficult.

The next driving adventure should come on Tuesday.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tired

I think I'll start a new feature here at the Soap Box: You Know You're Too Tired When...

...When you try to wash your hands with toothpaste.

I did that today. It took me a minute to figure out that it was toothpaste and not soap, never mind that soap doesn't come in tubes.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

My Day

Dear Reader, today was very busy. We have company coming tomorrow, so I spent most of the morning cleaning. To break up the monotony, I cleaned in shifts, spending 15 minutes in one room, then 15 minutes in another and so on. The house looks great, but I'm exhausted.

I gave the three older girls haircuts, and they all look pretty decent.

The angel is sick. She threw up in the van on the way home from church. Poor little thing. She had to take another bath(she hates baths), and go straight to bed. Hopefully, she'll be better tomorrow.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Guitar

I've been playing my guitar a little bit every day. I'm getting much better at playing the same songs over and over, but I've been thinking about getting some sort of instructional video to improve my playing over all.

In other news, I had another actual conversation with my father-in-law yesterday. We talked for about an hour, covering subjects ranging from driving practice to disciplining children. This is good.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Locked Out

I wasn't having the best day today. Mostly because I'm foolish enough to let my husband teach me how to drive. Between him and the attitudes of my in-laws(that's a whole other post), I'm stressed out to the point where I don't care if I ever get my license.

So, I did what I often do when I'm stressed out on a Summer's evening: I grabbed my guitar and headed out to the nearly empty barn for a little concert for the cattle. I was out there for about 45 minutes. When I came back to the house, it was locked. My husband only remembers to lock the door half the time, but Murphy's Law dictates tonight should be one of the nights he remembers. I knew he wouldn't hear the doorbell. I couldn't call him because the barn phone has been disconnected. I went around to the back porch, which is next to our bedroom, and knocked. He was sound asleep, and couldn't hear me.

I went out to the shop and got a screwdriver, pried open the bedroom window, and shouted at him. I asked him politely to let me in. He got up sleepily, and unlocked the door. He did apologize for locking me out, but I'm still not too happy about it. I'm sure some day I'll think it was hysterically funny, but that day is far off.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Little Known Artist of the Month

I think it's time I resurrected this feature. This month, we have an accompanying video. The Little Known Artist of the Month for July is:

Debra Lyn

Here is the video for Debra's single "I Can't Remember to Forget You":

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Feelin' Hot

I really don't care for hot weather. July is terrible for heat, and it only leads to the humidity of August. Thanks goodness for rain and air conditioning.

The garden plants love this weather. They're growing like crazy. Unfortunately, the bugs seem to like this weather, too. Hundreds of little grasshoppers ate the tops of my carrots. I have done better keeping the weeds at bay, but the insects have gotten the better of me. Next year's gardening strategy shall include some kind of bug spray.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Writing

Dear Reader,

My writing pace is bugging me. It seems awfully slow. I write about one chapter a week, each chapter being approximately 2,000 words long. At that pace, I can write a bit over 100,000 words a year. It may sound like a lot, but once I get to editing, about half of that will eventually be deleted, and I'll have to add a lot more before the story is in decent enough shape to be published.

This is my first novel, and I want it to be as good as I can possibly make it. It may take another year after I finish the first draft. I've been writing it for over a year already. Tolkien took twenty years to write the Lord of the Rings trilogy, so I guess there's no big rush, though I don't expect to write anything of that caliber or popularity.

Anyway, I should get back to writing. I'd like to get 5,000 words written this week, and time's a wastin'. Wish me luck.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

My Rules of Writing

Dear Reader, my last post gave me an idea. I'm going to list my Rules of Writing. I may add to them later on. If you should have any suggestions, feel free to share them in the comments section.


Patronized Saint's RULES OF WRITING:
-------------------------------------

1. Don't Write Crap*
2. Stay True to the Characters
3. Review and Revise
4. Editing is Never "Done" Until Publication


*This rule may be broken only in extreme cases of writer's block, and anything written in such cases is then especially subject to rule number 3.

Procrastination

My procrastination has spread to my writing. I've spent days with the intention of writing chapter 92, and I've written maybe one of the five pages. The short length of the chapters makes the offense worse.

I think I need to just sit down and write four more pages, even if they turn out to be crap, just so I get it done. But that would violate my first rule of writing: Don't Write Crap. However, I may have no choice, as re-writing doesn't seem to be so difficult.

The Orchard

A few years ago, my husband and I started an orchard. We now have a cherry tree, two apple trees, and a pear tree. The past two years, the apple trees and pear tree have come under attack by tree-hating rabbits. Or maybe they're tree-loving rabbits? Anyway, we thought the smaller trees were done for, but they grew back a couple of times. Something is eating the leaves off the little apple tree again, but not stripping bark this year, so we have hope for it.

We actually have apples this year! We've never gotten apples, not even from the old McIntosh that grew out of a bunch of apple cores that were buried 10+ years ago, so this is exciting.

We also got cherries this year! Yay! We got enough to make into a pie, which I made yesterday. It was delicious. I look forward to many more years of making pies from homegrown fruit.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Teeth

On Wednesday, I had my wisdom teeth extracted. I do not recommend this procedure unless it is absolutely necessary(or you really like pain and swelling).

The procedure itself was interesting. For some reason, the top teeth were much easier to extract than were the bottom teeth. Not having had my wisdom teeth removed before, I have no idea if this is the norm. I would have asked, but the surgeon had his fingers in my mouth, and I was pretty numb from the Novocaine.

Here it is, Saturday night, and the swelling in my face has finally subsided to where I look half-way normal. My jaw is still plenty sore, but I'm avoiding the prescription painkillers. I don't want to take anything that powerful or addictive, so I'm alternating between acetaminophen and ibuprofen. The pain is worse at night, so I'm not sleeping well, but I haven't had any major complications.

Chewing is an adventure, but I managed to eat some pizza tonight. Hopefully by this time next week, I will be recovered.

Friday, June 01, 2007

More Stewie!

Mothers of small children can relate to this. This is my favorite Stewie scene.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Weed Massacre

So one of my New Year's Resolutions was to keep the garden free of weeds(or within a reasonable range). I haven't exactly managed that, but I did conduct an all-out assault on the weeds this evening. I have found the four rows of carrots, and several bean plants that I didn't know I had. The hoeing I shall save for another day, because I'm already exhausted from today's events(no, not just from the weeding). It was a good day for gardening.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Irish Humor

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do, Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to
heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Blues Clues

You'd think by now, children's programming would be perfectly safe. Did you ever notice that in the beginning of Blue's Clues(the older ones at least), Steve asks the kids to help him find his puppy?

And then we try to tell kids not to help strange men look for lost puppies at the park.

We're sending mixed messages here.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Peek-a-Boo with Stewie

The only character worth watching on Family Guy is Stewie, the sarcastic talking baby. Here, he's trying to figure out peek-a-boo.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Announcement!

The angel took her first steps today! Now the entire family can walk! :)

Monday, April 09, 2007

Thank you, Mr. Vice President!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070406/pl_nm/syria_usa_pelosi_dc_3

Finally, somebody says something! Ms. Pelosi has no authority whatsoever to involve herself in foreign policy. It's not a legislative issue. Perhaps she should review this.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Junk

There's a porch on the east side of our house. It has lots of junk on it. The kids brought in an old 45 LP of The Village People. Just what I always wanted: my own copy of Macho Man. It's scratched up and may not play, which is fine because I don't have a record player. Maybe I can use it as a decoration.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Random Stuff I Wrote

My mom once told me that I should keep everything I write. Having followed that advice, I have a box, and several file folders, full of stuff I've written. I was going through the box today, and I found this thing that I wrote probably about 5 or 6 years ago. I thought I'd share it with my reader.

Random Thoughts

Have you ever walked outside on a clear night and looked at the stars? I mean in the country, where you can see thousands of them with few distractions. There's a calm feeling that washes over you and you start to wonder. You wonder about life, why we're here on this Earth, what there is besides this universe.

Have you ever found the answers to your questions through a night of steady thought? Why are we here? Why did God make us? What purpose could He have for us? Why does He even put up with us? We, people, are such screw-ups. We ruin everything, try to understand things that we clearly were not meant to understand, and confuse ourselves beyond the point of redemption in the process. God must have infinite patience.

Do you wonder how your parents dealt with things? You know that times were different then, but do you ever wish you could try it? You enjoy your youth, but you wonder why your parents wouldn't go through it again if they had the chance. This is confusing. Life is confusing. Maybe we're not meant to know why God put us here, or how we're supposed to do things. There are a few rules, but mostly, life is full of choices about unimportant things. They may be important to you at the time, but one day, you'll look back and wonder why you were so wrapped up in something like that. Why did it seem so important?

The questions above cannot have only one answer. They are open to interpretation. Some people wish to have life figured out for them. It doesn't work that way. It you're following some sort of plan, laid out by an "expert", then you're not living at all. You're not experiencing life.

Is health really so important that we need to think of it every minute of every day? Why should you be upset about being slightly overweight when so many are living with fatal diseases? You may be able to fix your problem with exercise, but they're stuck with what they've got. No amount of exercise can prevent cancer or cure it. Why is it that those who are most concerned about health are healthy people? Why are they so concerned about everyone else's lifestyle? The doctors can't even decide how people should live. Why should we listen to someone who creates lifestyles for a living?

Why is everyone so concerned about being politically correct? What is that about, anyway? If you are secure in who and what you are, you will not be offended by politically incorrect speech. If you are truthful, which is difficult these days, then you will not be offended by those who tell you the truth. Do people even want to know the truth? Politicians don't think so, and maybe they're right. People are apathetic. They don't care what happens as long as it doesn't happen to them. Where did humanity go? Do we have to teach a special course in college now? Truth, Decency, and Compassion, 101. Who would take that course? Anyone who needed an elective. It sounds like an easy four credits, doesn't it? Well, I'm sure we could find a way to make it more difficult. Maybe we should make that a choice for a major. You can earn your degree in Lost Art of Humanity Studies.

Soap Opera Poem

Anyone remember Sunset Beach?  Here is a poem I wrote yesterday,
about troubled matriarch Olivia Richards.

The bottle did befriend her
And the alcohol did send her
To a world devoid of feeling
Pain with which she's never dealing

Drunken laughter hides the pain
As she's lost herself again
Unaware of the infliction
Her family feels from her addiction

The ease with which her sorrows drown
Makes the spiral going down
A place that isn't quite so scary
As the man she chose to marry

She hears her children's pleas
Through that liquor-fostered ease
Can they ever hope to reach her
Will life's lessons ever teach her

It's a struggle for supremacy
Begging blinding urge for clemency
She must find a brighter end
She will sober up again

Monday, March 26, 2007

Litterbugs

I just picked up litter along our stretch of highway. Why people can't wait until they find a trash can is beyond me. I picked up an Aquafina bottle. Somewhere out there is a bottled-water loving litterbug. That just seems strange to me.

It's a lovely day. The temperature is somewhere in the 70s, I believe. The thermometer isn't working, so I can't be sure. weatherman says we should see record highs, so that means 80s again. Maybe I'll wash windows today.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Been Sick

I may just give up on spring cleaning. I got sick, and haven't done any more cleaning. I've lost my momentum. It's kind of depressing. At least the sun is shining.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Spring Cleaning

Ok, so I haven't posted about my progress with spring cleaning. There isn't really much to report. I got sidetracked. I did wash the walls upstairs and did half the woodwork. I really need to get back to it.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Lent

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the kick-off for the Lenten season. This year, I am giving up chocolate, which will not be easy, as I love chocolate. Adding to the struggle is the fact that there will be Oreos in the house all through Lent.

Ash Wednesday is also the start of my Spring Cleaning. Now that I'm blogging more regularly, I plan to post updates showing my progress. As always, I will start with the upstairs, and work my way down, saving windows for last due to the cold weather. I'll probably do the closets next to last, because they're a big project. I've promised the children that they get to help. They're young and inexperienced enough to be excited about it. I don't expect the excitement to last very long.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Lawyer Humor

These are supposedly things people have actually said in court.


ATTORNEY : When is your birthday?

WITNESS : July 18th.

ATTORNEY : What year?

WITNESS : Every year.

____________________________________

ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS : Yes.

ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS : I forget.

ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS : Forty-five years.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : Are you sexually active?

WITNESS : No, I just lie there.

_____________________________________________

ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you?

WITNESS : My name is Susan.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS : We both do.

ATTORNEY : Voodoo?

WITNESS : We do.

ATTORNEY : You do?

WITNESS : Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________

ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one.

________________________________________

ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS : Would you repeat the question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?

WITNESS : Yes.

ATTORNEY : And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS : Uh....

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY : She had three children, right?

WITNESS : Yes.

ATTORNEY : How many were boys?

WITNESS : None.

ATTORNEY : Were there any girls?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS : By death.

ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS : Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.

ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS : Huh?

______________________________________

As for the last!!!

ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS : No.

ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Mice!

I caught mouse number four last night. That's four mice caught within a week. Victor mouse traps are still the best. The mice are going for cheddar this year.

Goodbye Writer's Block

The writer's block of Thursday is history. It was a tough one, because I was in a super-creative mood. I guess I wasn't really uninspired, but rather I wasn't inspired by any one thing in particular. Mostly, I wanted to work on my fanfic, but I was stuck on a scene. I've since gotten past that and finished the chapter. Big thanks to my sister for talking through the plot line with me.

Any writing would have done, but I couldn't think of any other topics. Still, I needed to create something. I eventually settled for starting another music video. It's the first I've made with actual video clips, and it's lots of fun. I'm half done with it, but I'm waiting on more clips. Fan videos are awesome.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Writer's Block

I hate writer's block. I really want to write, but I can't come up with anything. I think I'll have to force my way through it. I could always scrap it later if it sucks. I've rarely felt so uninspired. This is depressing.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Cold!

Last night's low was -17 F. Luckily, it has since warmed up to -11. I'm going downstairs to build a fire in the wood furnace.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Got another one....

I squashed another mosquito yesterday. I failed to kill one I saw a few days before, so the score is now:

Me: 2
Mosquitos: 0

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Blonde Joke

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and th e Irishman said,"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.”

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Mosquito

I killed a mosquito yesterday in the cellar. It is kinda warm down there from the wood furnace, but seeing a mosquito in January is just weird. 2007 is off to a very strange start. The score stands at:

Me: 1
Mosquitoes: -1

To Do List

Here is part of my To Do List for today. I'll edit from time to time throughout the day to show my progress. Completed items are in italics.

Kids on bus
Dishes
Laundry
Write chapter of fanfic
Write 500 words of novel
Blog about mosquito
Make dessert

Friday, January 12, 2007

Nigerian's View on Al Qaeda vs. USA

The following was posted on the Time-Life blog by a person in Nigeria:


All this yammering about the virtues or otherwise of lashing back at Al Qaeda really gets on my corns.You all have little idea the kind of enemy you are contending with.Previous generations were luckier, their enemies came garbed as ENEMIES. You could tell them a mile off. Well, the forces that despise freedom are not all that stupid anymore. They sat down in hades and concocted a plan to confuse you on their identity.They picked a religion that has held an eternity-long grudge against you and all the values that you stand for.That religion also resents playing second fiddle on the world stage to yours(regardless that a large number of you think the idea of God is some form of fibbing).Next they found excuse in your support of Israel.Far as they are concerned they'd love you to death if you stood by and allowed them erase Israel from the map.And over time they have been infiltrating your lands in their hordes,quite the same as the old KGB went about planting moles during the cold war days.And increasingly they are popping up to attack you.In my far away country over here in Africa I can feel their hatred for you such that I am confident Sept 11th is child's play compared to what they mean to bring upon your heads once the chance presents itself.They love to hear you yapping and yammering about what Bush is doing right or wrong.They love the stupid French who - did you realize - have always been the soft underbelly of western civilization.Go back and look at history.The French, habouring their own selfish and undeserved aims of replacing the US as world power as well as overtake the English language with their tongue, play unwitting agent to the Islamofacists, challenging the US on every issue and scoring cheap popularity points among Arab countries, as though that would save them from the Arab/Muslim ire.As an aside, please believe me when I say you are courting the worst possible dangers sitting back while Iran develops the nuke.Dont be surprised when a smuggled version goes off in Boston harbour someday. When it does, or even worse happens, I will wonder with the rest of the world where all your yammering got you.Understimate your foes and that day will come sooner than expected.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Resolutions

I didn't used to make New Year's resolutions, because I was sure I'd be unable(or unwilling) to keep them. The last few years, I've decided to go ahead and make them. Here's my list for this year:

1. Get more sleep.
2. Finish reading all of the books I've borrowed from family members.
3. Read every work of fiction I own.
4. Keep the house cleaner.(kids can help with that one)
5. Lose ten pounds.
6. Say the rosary every day, or at least every other day.
7. Keep the vegetable gardens weeded.
8. Get more organized.
9. Publish a book.
10. Pay off the unsubsidized portion of my student loans.

Most likely to be broken: #7
Least likely to be broken: #10

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Back to School

Christmas break is over and the children have gone back to school. So, of course, I had another school day nightmare last night.

The dream started out nicely. The kids were up and dressed and ready to go early. We were just waiting for the bus to come. Then it all went crazy. The bus showed up and none of the children wanted to get on it. For some reason, I was wandering around in a bathrobe and I had to drag the kids out to the bus. I could only take two on the first trip and had to go back for the third, who was throwing fits over her coat, then her backpack. All the while I was escorting children to the bus, there were two strange women following me around and talking about what awful things kids were up to these days.

All in all, it wasn't such a bad dream, as the kids actually got ON the bus. I've had dreams where we had to chase the bus down the road. I am happy to say that all three of the school aged children made it onto the bus this morning with no trouble. Great start to the new year!